The Quarantine Chronicles: Day 16

Hello, Dear One.

So glad you are here.

Yesterday, I wrote about the fascinating research of Brett Ford and her colleagues and what they discovered truly makes us, as humans, happy. (If you missed yesterday's prompt, scroll down and you can find the link to see all the previous ones. ;.))

Regarding Brett Ford’s research about what truly makes us happy, Johann Hari also adds this (from the book Lost Connections) ...

”Until I learned this, when I felt depression and anxiety start to set in, I felt a panicked need to keep my head above water — so I would try to do something for myself. I would buy something, or watch a film I like, or read a book I like, or talk to a friend about my distress. It was an attempt to treat the isolated self, and it didn’t work very often. In fact, these acts were often the start of a deeper slide.

But once I knew about Brett’s reserach, I saw the error I had been making. Now, when I feel myself starting to slide down, I don’t do something for myself — I try to do something for someone else. I go to see a friend and try to focus very hard on how they are feeling and making them feel better. I try to do something for my network, or my group — or even try to help strangers who look distressed. I learned something I wouldn’t have thought was possible at the start. Even if you are in pain, you can almost always make someone else feel a little bit better. Or I would try to channel it into more overt political actions, to make the society better.

When I applied this technique, I realized that it often — though not always — stopped the slide downward. It worked much more effectively than trying to build myself up alone.”

Whatever is making you feel a bit anxious today, a twinge of this or that…I guarantee there are others around you who are most certainly feeling anxious or in need -- perhaps even more acutely than you.

Today, I want to encourage you to reach out to someone and create HOPE and JOY, both for someone else and for you. Try to do what Johann Hari suggested in his excerpt and "focus very hard on what the other person is feeling and try to help them feel better." You honestly don’t even have to know the person very well, just go on Facebook and you will probably find a plethora of opportunities to offer an encouraging and hopeful word or two.

Think of it as an experiment and see how it makes you feel to "create" in this way. There are so many ways that we can give of ourselves creatively. In fact, to create a gift for someone else is also to create a memory that is incredibly meaningful and has the potential to last a lifetime.

We have some beautiful friends, here in Berlin, named Babbs and Jörg, and they are the most creative givers I have ever met. I could tell you story after story of the ways that I have watched them shower love, not just on me and my husband, but on countless others. And they do it so creatively! They have given us memory after memory, moments full of meaning and love, and often surprising joy.

Once, when my husband and I were visiting Berlin for the first time together, and Babbs and Jörg were going to meet him for the first time, I sent a picture of the two of us in the airport in California and texted it to them, saying something like, "See you soon!". They took that picture and blew it up huge, and when we came through the gate at the airport in Berlin, they had put that blown up picture of us on a stick and were waving it up and down like they were our biggest fans!

When we stayed at their apartment for a few days, when we first moved, every morning Babbs would write little paths of love notes on post-its, on the way from our room to the bathroom, and to the table for breakfast...simple things, but beautiful and creative ways to love that bring hope and joy and make people smile and remember those moments forever.

When they came to our wedding in California, all the way from Berlin, they took their favorite photos of us and made coloring books for all the children who would be attending the wedding.

Once they got us tickets to the opera and said, "Your chauffeur will be waiting at your door to take you at 6 pm."

Jörg was all dressed up with a little driving hat and took us on our date and then picked us up when it was over and brought us to their place where they had champagne waiting.

Babbs and Jörg really have a unique gift, a unique way of giving to people, but after reading Johann Hari's book and the research from Brett Ford, I also realize...not only are they unique and creative in their giving but they have really discovered the key to happiness.

Another thing to keep in mind, especially if you are feeling blocked creatively, is the power of creating specifically for someone else.

Anytime I feel blocked, this is my go-to way to unblock. If I write a song for someone else - even if I think it's terrible- that pure intention of truly creating something with someone else in mind, unlocks the walls of judgment that I've usually gotten myself stuck in.

The opportunity to create joy for others (and ourselves as well in the process) is there for us all...

and the possibilities are truly endless.

Each person is so unique. Each way we express our love can truly be artistry at its finest.

So...what masterpieces are you going to create today?